For immediate help at any time, please call us on 03300 564456  (24 hour)

Staying Safe
Two people with shoulder-length brown hair are standing and facing away from the camera. One person has their hand gently resting on the other person's shoulder.
Two people with shoulder-length brown hair are standing and facing away from the camera. One person has their hand gently resting on the other person's shoulder.
Person with dark curly hair sits looking pensive, with their head resting on their fist. A person with short hair looks on in the background.

is a way of helping you to protect yourself and your children. It involves having a personal safety plan in advance for the possibility of future violence and abuse, helping you to think about how you can increase your safety either within the relationship or if you decide to leave.

You can’t stop your partner’s violence and abuse – only they can do that. But there are things you can do to increase your own (and your children’s) safety. You’re probably already doing some things to protect yourself and your children. If there is a pattern to the abuse you’re experiencing, this may enable you to plan ahead to increase your safety.

Tips for staying safe

If you feel you are in immediate danger

  • RING 999
  • If you cannot speak due to being isolated with your abusive partner, dial 999 and press 55. This will signal to the operator that you need help but you’re unable to talk.
  • Make sure your mobile phone is fully charged and on you at all times.

Make use of specialist support

Who could help you?

  • Are there neighbours you could trust? If so, tell them what is going on, and ask them to call the police if they hear sounds of a violent attack.
  • Work out a signal system with a neighbour or friend; consider a code word to tell the children to leave.
  • Agree a code word or action with a friend so he/she knows you are in danger and cannot access help yourself.

Stay one step ahead at home

  • If you suspect that your partner/abuser is about to attack you, try to go to a lower risk area of the house – for example where there is a way out and access to a telephone.
  • Avoid rooms where you could be locked inside or trapped (e.g. bathroom); do not hide in rooms in your home without windows big enough for you to climb out of.
  • Avoid the kitchen or garage where there are likely to be knives or other weapons; or anywhere you might be shut into a cupboard or other small space.
  • Place knives and scissors in hard to reach places. Get rid of the counter top knife rack. If you have children you could say, “It’s for the children’s safety”.
  • Be aware that going upstairs can mean you are vulnerable to being thrown downstairs.

If you have children

  • Have your child pick a safe room/place in the house, preferably with a lock on the door and a phone. The first step of any plan is to get the children out of the room where the abuse is occurring.
  • Teach your children to call 999 in an emergency and what they would need to say (for example, their full name, address and telephone number)
  • Rehearse an escape plan, so in an emergency you and the children can get away safely.

Be aware of the added risks around alcohol

  • Don’t drink alcohol together, as the probability of a violent attack increases. If they insist, try and pour some lemonade into your drink. Alcohol reduces your ability to run, defend yourself and escape. You cannot reason with a drunk person. Don’t try to tell them what to do. If they are starting to pick on you, then make a decision for them to get out of their way.
  • Keep them fed and watered. (If someone has the abusing personality and they are hungry and drunk, then probability of violence increases ten fold). If they are drinking alcohol, make sure they eat something too. It will stop them from getting really drunk; it may help you.

 

Be mindful of your safety at all times

  • Keep your head up and look around you, and every now and again look behind you.
  • Gather information, and use your eyes and ears.
  • Anticipate problems before they arise.
  • Think .

Preparing to leave

Whatever coping strategies you have used – with more or less success – there may come a time when you feel the only option is to leave.

If you do decide to leave, it is best if you can plan this carefully. See our thinking about leaving page for further information.

If you are concerned for the safety of yourself/your children or someone else, please ring 999 

Staying safe in the longer term

If you leave your partner because of abuse, you may not want people to know the reason you left.

It is your decision whether or not you tell people that you have suffered domestic abuse; but if you believe you may still be at risk, it might increase your safety if you tell your family and friends, your children’s school and your employer or college what is happening, so that they do not inadvertently give out any information to your ex-partner. They will also be more prepared and better able to help you in an emergency.

If you have left home, but are staying in the same town or area, these are some of the ways in which you might be able to increase your safety:

  • Try not to place yourself in a vulnerable position or isolate yourself.
  • Try to avoid any places, such as shops, banks, cafes, that you used to use when you were together.
  • Try to alter your routines as much as you can.
  • If you have any regular appointments that your partner knows about (for example, with a counsellor or health practitioner), try to change your appointment time and/or the location of the appointment.
  • Try to choose a safe route, or alter the route you take or the form of transport you use, when approaching or leaving places you cannot avoid – such as your place of work, your children’s school or your GP’s surgery.
  • Tell your children’s school, nursery or childminder what has happened, and let them know who will pick them up. Make sure they do not release the children to anyone else or give your new address or telephone number to anyone. (You may want to establish a password with them, and give them copies of any court orders, if you have them.)
  • Consider telling your employer or others at your place of work – particularly if you think your partner may try to contact you there.

If you have moved away from your area and don’t want your abuser to know where you are, then you need to take particular care with anything that may indicate your location; for example:

  • Your mobile phone could be ‘tracked’; this is only supposed to happen if you have given your permission, but if your partner has had access to your mobile phone, he could have sent a consenting message purporting to come from you. If you think this could be the case, you should contact the company providing the tracking facility and withdraw your permission; or if you are in any doubt, change your phone.
  • Try to avoid using shared credit or debit cards or joint bank accounts: if the statement is sent to your ex-partner, he will see the transactions you have made.
  • Make sure that your address does not appear on any court papers. (If you are staying in a refuge, they will advise you on this.)
    If you need to phone your abuser (or anyone with whom he is in contact), make sure your telephone number is untraceable by dialling 141 before ringing.
  • Talk to your children about the need to keep your address and location confidential.
  • Victims of stalking and domestic abuse are now allowed to join the electoral register anonymously, so ensure they are not put at risk, and do not lose the right to vote.

Anyone wanting to register their details anonymously must provide evidence such as an order under the Family Law Act 1996 or the Protection from Harassment Act 1997. If an application is granted, the details that appear on the register only have a person’s electoral number and the letter N.

If you stay or return to your home after your partner has left, then you will likely have a or in place.

If the injunction has powers of arrest attached, then do make sure that your local police station has a copy, and that the police know that they need to respond quickly in an emergency.

It is important to know that you do not have to stay at home – with or without an injunction – if you do not feel safe there.

You could also consider the following:

  • Changing the locks on all doors.
  • Putting locks on all windows if you don’t have them already.
  • Installing smoke detectors on each floor and providing fire extinguishers.
  • Installing an outside light (back and front) which comes on automatically when someone approaches.
  • Informing the neighbours that your partner no longer lives there, and asking them to tell you – or call the police – if they see him nearby.
  • Changing your telephone number and making it ex-directory.
  • Using an answering machine to screen calls.
  • Keeping copies of all court orders together with dates and times of previous incidents and call-outs for reference if you need to call the police again.

These resources offer information to help you stay safe online:

Please remember: if you need support in relation to any form of Violence Against Women, Domestic Abuse or Sexual Violence, you can contact us

Explore our services

We offer a range of support services for adults and children who have experienced domestic abuse or sexual violence

Call us

Our support staff can offer advice via 03300 564456 during office hours (Mon-Fri 9.30am-4.30pm). Outside of office hours, our phone number can be used to access urgent information and advice.

Request a call back

Request a call back from our support services team in your area.

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